


Snake Problems

by kiexen



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Also post-relationship later, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Snake!Crowley - Freeform, tags to be added as chapters develop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-26 02:25:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19758679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiexen/pseuds/kiexen
Summary: Prompt: Four times Aziraphale found a snake and one time a snake found Aziraphale.





	1. 441 B.C., Rome

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read my last few fics that say I was procrastinating while writing them, this is what I was procrastinating. I still am, but I had this first part finished and thought maybe posting it would kick me into gear to work on it more. (My original plan was to post it all at once.)
> 
> I'd also like to give a thanks to Honeycombs on here for beta-ing and also helping me nail down the ideas for the later parts!

Aziraphale frowned to himself as he split the little food he had between a few children crying in the cold square. He had miracled it up earlier, but he could only create so much at a time without causing a fuss, either amongst the humans around him, or Upstairs. The children thanked him profusely and ran off, either to protect their newfound meal, or share it with others. _Why_ there needed to be a famine, he was unsure, they hadn’t even said anything to him about it. So maybe it was Hell’s work. Or maybe it was neither, and it just happened. The angel didn’t want to make a fuss and _ask_ Heaven, so quietly he stayed, doing his part to make sure, at the very least, the people don’t starve completely to death. _Dreadful_ , is what it was. People were still dying despite his best efforts, but still he kept on.

He sighed and fiddled with the fabric of his clothes to reposition them before wandering away from the square. Aziraphale needed to get away from all the needless death and starvation, and while he couldn’t go to another place as his last orders had been to be here, in Rome, he could go to the outskirts of the city, where it was less populated.

The angel was making his way through the wilderness outside the city’s boundaries, lost in his own head and no destination planned, when he heard a commotion up ahead. Glancing up, he saw several teenagers hanging around a lone tree, one attempting to climb it to reach a snake curled around the highest bare branches. A snake that looked suspiciously familiar. Making his way closer silently, the teenagers voices became clear enough for Aziraphale to hear what they were saying.

“You’ve almost got it, Aelia. Just a little further.”

“What if it attacks? What if it’s poisonous and not even edible anyway?”

“Be quiet, Tertius, it would be venomous, not poisonous.”

The snake himself, had just noticed Aziraphale’s approaching form and locked eyes with him. The angel broke the eye contact long enough to watch as the girl slipped and fell from the tree, before she got up, a little dazed, but miraculously unharmed. The teenagers suddenly decided at that point, it wasn’t worth it, and they would be much better off going back home. And if they could ignore a certain new presence, that would be just dandy.

Once they were out of earshot, Aziraphale walked up to the tree and looked up into the branches, meeting the golden eyes of the serpent again. “Crawly? Is that you?”

The snake flicked it’s tongue out at him, before saying lethargically, “the one and only, angel.”

Aziraphale sighed. “Why are you up there? I know you very easily could have set those children’s attention off of you.” The demon slowly moved his head so he wasn’t looking at him anymore.

“I… Wass about to when you sssshowed up.” Crawly hissed slowly. Even slower, he detangled himself from the branches and wove his way down the tree, choosing to reach out and plop himself on the angel’s shoulders instead of continuing down the tree. He was, at least, reasonably sized at the time, so it wasn’t seven feet worth of weight dropping on him. Either way, he is certain the serpent only did it to bother him.

Aziraphale opened his mouth to chide the demon before stopping himself when he felt cold scales brush against the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine. “My dear, you’re absolutely _freezing_ , what are you doing out here anyway? Aren’t snakes cold-blooded and not do well in the cold?” It was winter, after all.

“It almossst sssoundss like you care, angel.” Crawly said quietly, his head drooping onto his shoulder, as if he couldn’t hold it up anymore. He nestled his face closer to the angel’s neck, subconsciously seeking his warmth.

“Why—why would I care, you’re a demon! I…” Aziraphale cut himself off with a sigh. He could feel Crawly shivering against him and his resolve for telling him off crumbled. He set off back towards the city; to the house he was currently staying in. “Oh, just come here, we can’t have people seeing you now.” He gently picked up the limp serpent, who, almost belatedly stirred. Aziraphale paused, waiting for the demon to come back around enough to wrap himself around his arm under his sleeve. He had half a mind to tell the demon to be still, but decided it would have been pointless; he was barely moving anyway.

Aziraphale (thankfully) didn’t run into anyone on his way back, carefully making his way into the building, trying not to disturb the snake on his arm too much. With a wave of his other hand, the fire under the unused cooking pot roared to life. Grabbing a cushion, the angel kneeled next to the fire to set it close enough but not _too_ close before lifting his sleeve slightly to peer at the snake curled there. “Crawly? You can come out now, it’s okay.” When the serpent didn’t move or respond, Aziraphale ran his finger down the smooth, exposed scales lightly. “Crawly,” he repeated. Crawly only tightened around the angel’s arm instead of responding. Sighing, Aziraphale sat down properly. “Fine.” Crawly gave a happy (at least, he assumed so) wiggle before settling more comfortably. The angel started stroking the demon’s scales again, figuring if Crawly had a problem with it he would have said something the first time.

They passed the rest of the winter much this way, Aziraphale going about his regular business and Crawly ~~hibernating~~ sleeping curled on his arm or coiled on the cushion (when Aziraphale could persuade him down).

One early spring day, Aziraphale was in town, handing out a bit of food when he saw a flash of red out of his peripheral vision. On the other side of the square, Crawly (in human form), was making his way out towards the edge of town. Either he didn’t notice Aziraphale, or he chose to ignore him. The angel understood his haste to leave but was still upset (a fact he would later deny, even to himself) that the demon didn’t even stop to say _goodbye._


	2. 1167 A.D., Egypt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale hummed softly to himself as he made his way down the docks, watching as the merchants went to-and-fro unloading their ships. The hot, Egyptian sun pounded down on the angel, and he would be sweating if he were a regular human. As it were, he was still actively aware of the heat, even if his corporation didn’t react to it. He didn’t fancy taking a plunge in the water either way, so when someone carelessly careened into him, a small miracle migrated one of the crates just close enough that Aziraphale would stumble into it instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unbeta-ed as of posting, I'm too impatient, aha. So edits may be made later once my beta takes a look at it!

Aziraphale hummed softly to himself as he made his way down the docks, watching as the merchants went to-and-fro unloading their ships. The hot, Egyptian sun pounded down on the angel, and he would be sweating if he were a regular human. As it were, he was still actively aware of the heat, even if his corporation didn’t react to it. He didn’t fancy taking a plunge in the water either way, so when someone carelessly careened into him, a small miracle migrated one of the crates just close enough that Aziraphale would stumble into it instead.

A small surprised hiss from inside the crate caught the angel’s attention; he barely spared the other person another glance to wave their apology off. It couldn’t be? Aziraphale turned back to the crate as they walked away, waving his hand and peering into the now slightly ajar lid. Slitted golden eyes stared up at him, and a thin forked tongue shot out, tasting the air. “Angel?” It was!

Aziraphale smiled, “Hello, Crowley. Why, if I may ask, are you hiding in a crate?” Snakes, by nature, are not very expressive, but the demon managed to exude a disgruntled aura regardless.

“How else was I supposed to get off the blassted ship without being noticed?”

“You’re a demon, Crowley.” The angel said flatly.

“Yeah, I bloody well kno— oh. Right. Miracle.” Aziraphale was pretty sure snakes couldn’t sigh either, but that didn’t stop Crowley from doing it.

“One little miracle and you could have slithered, or walked, right off the ship,” he said.

Crowley huffed and gave a little wiggle. “Yeah, alright I get it. Due to current… Circumsstances, I was a little preoccupied and forgot, okay?” Aziraphale blinked down at the serpent a little. What could have worried him so much that he forgot he could do literal magic?

“Circumstances? What circumstances?” Crowley went still, and swung his head to look away from the angel. Oh, he didn’t mean to admit that. “Er, actually, never mind, you don’t have to tell me.”

The serpent made a whining noise. “No, it’s, I just. Ngk. I’m _ssstuck,_ ” he spat the word, flaring up angrily for a split second before calming back down.

“In… In the crate?” Aziraphale tilted his head at him in confusion.

“ _As a ssssnake,”_ he slumped marginally, as if defeated. Oh.

“Let me help you,” the angel offered.

“I don’t need help, it’s fine.”

Aziraphale quirked an eyebrow. “I’ll just leave you here then, to be discovered by the sailors, and who knows what they’d do to a snake stowed away amongst the—”

“Alright, alright, just don’t _say you’re helping me_ , if either of our lots hear you _helped_ a demon…” Crowley muttered and trailed off, carefully slinking his way out of the crate. “Really, angel,” Crowley added under his breath as he settled on the lid.

“Right, right, of course. I’m sorry, my dear.” The blonde frowned lightly to himself. “Right. Now how to get you out of here? I could continue to _miracle_ ,” he put emphasis on the word, he couldn’t help but tease the demon lightly, “the people around to not notice.” The serpent made a motion with his head that Aziraphale knew to be his way of rolling his eyes when the angel paused. “Or…” Crowley tilted his head at him.

“Ooooor?”

“If you were, perhaps, a smidge smaller, my dear, I could just carry you without continuing to manipulate the perspective of the people around.” At this, the demon groaned dramatically and dropped his head, letting it thunk lightly against the side of the crate.

“That’s sso much work, angel.” Aziraphale didn’t get a chance to reply as Crowley lifted his head back up and slowly shrunk. Where previously he was a few feet long, he now could fit snuggly in the palm of the angel’s hand. Which is exactly where he settled when Aziraphale offered said hand to him.

“Comfortable?” He chuckled as the demon wound himself through his fingers.

“Maybe.” With a wave of his other hand, the lid of the crate slotted itself back into place. Aziraphale turned away from it and merged back into the flow of people on the dock, carefully covering the hand Crowley was currently occupying with his other hand, to further shield him from being seen.

Once they were in a more secluded location, Aziraphale lifted his hand to gaze at the serpent there. “Crowley, dear, it’s alright, you can return to your other size now, if you’d like.” For a moment the demon doesn’t move, but then, belatedly, he shifts and lifts his head.

“Oh. Right.” Crowley untangles himself from Aziraphale’s fingers and grew in size as he curled around his wrist and up his arm, before settling around the angel’s shoulders.

“Did you fall asleep on the way here?” Aziraphale chuckled and turned to face the serpent, who was distractedly eyeing up a patch of sun a few steps away from where Aziraphale was standing.

“What? No, absolutely not.” Aziraphale snorted and walked forward, sitting down in the sun patch. Crowley gave a little wiggle before curling around his shoulders a little more.

“If you say so, my dear. Anyway, has this happened to you before?” he asked as he shifted to get comfortable on the ground.

“Once, like two millennia ago,” he sighed. “I ended up just having to ssleep it off. Which I really can’t be doing because I have _work_ to do.”

“You can’t just do your work as a snake and then sleep it off?” Aziraphale asked, and the serpent just shook his head.

“Probably not, no. I mean, I can try, what other choice do I have? Unlessss…” Aziraphale frowned. He had the feeling he was not going to like where this was going.

“Unless…” He prompted, warily. Crowley got a glint in his eyes. Oh, he definitely was not going to like this.

“There’s always the… Arrangement…” The angel sighed. There it was. The Arrangement. It had only been in place for a few hundred years, but they’ve each already acted under it a fair few times now. “I can take a nap while I wait on this, you can do the temptation for me, it isn’t really a big one anyway,” Crowley paused and Aziraphale shot him a look. A look that very much said ‘you know I don’t like this’. The serpent swayed his head a little considering. “…I’ll do it next time, and I’ll take you to dinner, once I can turn back. Howss that?” Aziraphale looked away from Crowley as if he was considering it. His mind was already made up, but he had to keep up _appearances._ Crowley’s tongue flicked out as he watched Aziraphale, waiting patiently.

“…Fine, fine alright. Just tell me what it is you’re to do so I can get it over with.” Aziraphale pushed himself to his feet, careful not to knock Crowley off his shoulders. This time, the angel stuck to backways and empty paths, as he made his way to where he was staying. He listened to the demon explain what he was to do as they went, committing the instructions to memory.

Once they arrived, Crowley slowly unwound himself from Aziraphale, slithering into another sun spot on the floor, winding his coils around himself. “My dear, you can sleep in the bed, instead of the floor, you know. I don’t use it.” Crowley gave a snake impression of a shrug and tucked his head under a coil. “Alright, suit yourself. I’m going to head back out,” he added, glancing back at the pile of snake after taking a few steps back towards the door. Crowley only gave a small grunt of acknowledgment before curling tighter.

~*~

A few days later, Aziraphale wandered around the town a few over from where he was staying, looking for those who Crowley had been here to tempt, the angel couldn’t help but worry as he thought of the demon. What if sleeping didn’t work this time? It’s already been days, and it still hasn’t worn off. What then? Will Crowley have to be sent back to Hell since he can’t tempt as well this way? Aziraphale knew that, as an angel, he should be happy at the thought of the demon returning to Hell, but he wasn’t. All he could think about was how much he knew Crowley hated the place, despite having never vocally said as much. And besides, Hell could very well send someone worse. _Anything other than Crowley would be worse._ The angel quickly brushed aside the unbidden thought. Or, tried to. It didn’t do him much good as other thoughts soon followed.

_If Crowley was gone, who would I drink with?_

_If Crowley was gone, who would I dine with?_

_If Crowley was gone, I would be well and truly alo—_

No. Aziraphale shook his head sharply to attempt to dispel the thoughts again. No, Crowley is still here, and there’s no evidence to say he will be stuck as a snake forever, or sent back, or anything. _Not that I should care,_ Aziraphale thought firmly.

His inner tirade was cut off briefly once he spotted the man he was looking for. The angel made quick work of the temptation. He was to tempt the man into stealing from his neighbor. He knew if it were Crowley, he would have done it with a little more style, but Aziraphale preferred to do things in the swiftest way possible that still gets the job done.

On his way out of town, he performed a little miracle, as he’d gotten into the habit of; a vague attempt to counteract the temptation he’d done. This time it was for a woman bemoaning to her friend about the difficulties she and her husband had been having starting a family and just _oh how it must be the gods punishing us for something or other_. One fertility miracle. Small temptation, small miracle.

It was almost dusk by the time he returned, and he found his home empty. Panic welled up inside of him, and the fear from earlier came back. Aziraphale turned to leave, and took two steps out the door before running, literally, into somebody, nearly knocking them both over. Thin, pale hands snaked out and grabbed the angel to steady him.

“Whoa, easy there, angel.” Aziraphale’s eyes shot up, and met dark glasses. _He’s here, he’s okay._ “What’s got you in such a hurry?”

“Oh, uh, nothing, my dear boy,” he said quickly, and Crowley barely had time to raise an eyebrow before Aziraphale changed the subject. “I see you’re no longer stuck as a snake.” The demon pulled away, as if he just realized he was still holding onto the angel.

“Uh, yeah, been this way since this morning. I’ve just been out in town poking around all day. Did you just make it back? How did it go?” The demon pulled away further and offered a bent arm for Aziraphale to link his own into. Which he did, without a thought.

“Fine, fine. Without a hitch.” Crowley gave a half smile and pulled the angel away from the building and further into town. Oh, right, dinner.

“Good.” The rest of the walk was filled with comfortable silence, Crowley leading the way and Aziraphale following. The angel noted that the demon was dressed in a dress similar to what he’s seen the young women wear, and he very quickly shoved down the rising thought that it looked very good on him.

Dinner passed much as most of their meals together do, plenty of drink between them, Crowley picking at his own food lightly before allowing Aziraphale to finish it. It’s over all too soon for the angel’s liking, and soon enough they’re back outside his house.

“Well… I guess since I’m back in this form I should get a move on, I have some more tempting to do further south. Tha— er, yeah,” Crowley looked vaguely nervous, and Aziraphale merely smiled at him.

“Of course, my dear, don’t mention it,” he replied, saving the demon the trouble of vocalizing what the angel already knew he wanted to say. _Thank you’s_ were dangerous between them, and they both knew it.

Crowley visibly relaxed, and turned to leave, waving at the angel as he walked away. “Until next time, angel.”

Aziraphale couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. “Goodbye, my dear.” He watched until Crowley’s swaying form disappeared from his view before turning and walking into his house, smile still on his face.


End file.
